“Instagram face is a filter. My Nan’s face was the real deal.”

Instagram face is a filter. My Nan’s face was the real deal.

I’m not worried about how I’ll look when I’m older. I grew up surrounded by four generations of women whose beauty only got better with age — faces etched by laughter and late nights, not botox and fillers. Their lines told stories. Their loosened skin carried decades of living. They’d been here a while, and it showed in the best way. There was my great-great-grandma Vinnie; my great-grandmother, nicknamed Muss; my Nana; my Mama; and me.

Instead of fearing age, I’ve always wanted to earn it — the crow’s feet, the deep laugh lines, the proof of a life well-lived. Research backs this up: studies show young people with strong intergenerational connections have a more positive perception of aging, in others and themselves. Muss was my primary caregiver, and I also spent most afternoons with my Nana. I’d watch them — and my great-great-grandmother — do their hair and makeup, highlighting what they loved about their faces.

Only 20% of Americans live near extended family. You can see the fallout in how we view aging. Today’s youth are sold “prejuvenation” — anti-aging routines for tweens, injectables for 20-somethings — like a moral imperative. I’ll be 33 this September, right in the demographic supposedly spiraling about getting older. Sure, I grew up with some anti-aging noise, but I also had a chorus of women ready to shut it down if I hinted at “fixing” my face. (To be fair, I mostly said it to mess with them — but I’m glad they took it seriously.)

The culture now is louder and harder to mute. I could turn off MTV; it’s not as easy to put down my phone. Plus, the Instagram of my twenties was all non-aesthetic dinner plates and duck-lipless selfies, not today’s feed of “Instagram Face” that Jia Tolentino nailed: poreless skin, high cheekbones, plump lips, tiny nose, and huge eyes. This look used to be the domain of celebrities, models, or Bravo cast members, reserved for those with the money for fillers, jawline sculpting, skin resurfacing, and injectables. It’s far more accessible now — this hyper-curated aesthetic has become a widespread standard — and it’s flattening our collective sense of what a 35- or 40-year-old actually looks like.

The women I grew up with are my antidote. I saw their faces change, unapologetically, over decades. They came up in a different time, and I know that dismantling today’s fear of aging means rewriting entrenched narratives about beauty, worth, and visibility. But on a personal level, we get to choose our influences — and I’m choosing them.

When I notice the bags forming under my eyes, I think of the women I loved — women I’d never dream of correcting. Why would I treat my own face any differently?

Sounds like the answer to combatting aging-related anxiety is clear: Go find some old people!

Jokes aside, there’s ample evidence that intergenerational contact helps young people feel more life purpose, inspires higher rates of civic engagement, and leads to better mental health outcomes. But not everyone is lucky enough to have access to a nearby older family member (let alone four generations of them), so our team is here to offer some of our own tried and true ways to forge some intergenerational connections.

• Join a neighborhood cleanup group — especially if you live in a big city. “The secret staircases on the eastside of LA are alluring vestiges of the past. Lush, hidden walkways that once connected hilltop homes to streetcar lines, they’re now my favorite passageways when walking my dog. So I joined the Silver Lake Neighborhood Council Green Committee to help maintain them! Aging sharpens your sense of legacy — and the condition of what you leave behind — which is probably why everyone in the cleanup group except me is in their 60s, 70s, and 80s. That and some free time perhaps. It’s been wonderful to connect with some of the elders in my neighborhood — and discovering their history — while sweeping and beautifying our beloved stairs.” — Rebecca

• Join an obscure hobby group. “I joined the Culver City Rock and Mineral Club to learn more about the love of my life (rocks duh), but the biggest benefit has been forming friendships with the older members. They’re full of niche knowledge and nurturing energy. You also just feel like a celebrity because probably 5% of members are under 50 lol. You can see if your city has a rock club here.” — Ciara

• Talk to older people on flights. “Whenever I end up next to someone who seems ~40 years older than me I try to talk to them. I’ve gotten great advice, funny stories, wild takes, and obviously the inevitable ‘let me set you up with my grandson.’ If I sit down next to someone my age, I’m putting on my headphones immediately, but for older fellow passengers, it’s prime chat time.” — Jocelyn

Hope your Sunday is more great grandma Muss than big ol’ mess.